I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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