It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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