His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
