That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
