Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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