just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
