she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
