it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
