So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
two words...techno handjob
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
