i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
