Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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