You're completely useless in the revolution.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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