Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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