ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
