im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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