I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
