I just cut my nipple shaving
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
