I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
