It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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