whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
