Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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