first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My ass is underappreciated
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
