There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
