Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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