I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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