Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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