Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
