A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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