What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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