If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
