The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
