I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
