I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
