She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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