It was confusing and full of hummus
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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