i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
