Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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