these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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