I skipped work to stalk him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
