she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
