shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
