I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
