I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
