The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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