What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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