Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
