Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
