she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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