I think I died a long time ago.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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