I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
